My theology is
that God is within us. I think that is a light and strength that we can draw
on. Candles for me represent that light, that feeling of a presence that creates
a peace. My theology is
that God is within us. I think that is a light and strength that we can draw
on. Candles for me represent that light, that feeling of a presence that creates
a peace.
My need to really develop an understanding of my inner strength came in the early 90's when I was laid off from my job. I had always worked in intense, high tech environments where there was more work than time available and it took everyone working all out to meet deadlines and get the job done.
As a working single mom and active churchgoer I had always been incredibly busy - my kids played music, danced, ran, played sports, etc. I sang in the Choir, did Kerygma Bible Study, took courses through U of A extension - life was very rich and busy. To be told that what I was doing was no longer necessary and to not have a job to go to every day was a shock to my system. Before I could begin to decide what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I had to know more about who I was. That was how this part of my journey began.
It has been a very exciting journey for me, one on which I have discovered who I am. Knowing who I am, what I am passionate about, what my strengths and weaknesses are, when I over-react, or when I cry, gives me the foundation I need to grow and to provide support for others.
Our circumstances may be different, but many of you have also lived your lives doing for others and being very busy. Many of us were raised with an understanding that putting ourselves first was selfish so we tended to put others' needs ahead of our own - whether it was eating the last piece of pie or deciding which TV show to watch.
Some time over the last 10 years, I read Jesus' words "You shall love your neighbour as yourself" with new understanding. In order to love someone else as myself - I have to love me. That's a command to look after myself - to find out who I am, to know what it is that feeds my soul, to treat myself to the things I want, to put me first! What freedom that creates.
When I became a single mom and was raising three kids on my own sometimes the days were very full and long and frustrating. I can remember one evening really feeling like I wanted a glass of wine, but feeling I needed to be careful about drinking alone. I poured myself a glass of wine and sat down and wrote a letter to a friend. The letter began with the request that she have a glass of wine so that I wouldn't be drinking alone.
Candles have become an important way to connect with others. I often have a candle or two burning when I am working in my home office - one for me and one for someone else that I want to keep near.
One of my reflective activities is to spend time with Jan Richardson's book, In Wisdom's Path. The book shares a piece of her journey of discovery. I want to share one of her entries with you.
The night before I left Atlanta, where I went to seminary, to move back to Florida, I gathered with friends. Before I left, Lori gave me two purple candles to take with me. Especially during that first year, I lit them when I longed for a sense of connection with people who knew me well. Though I tried to use them sparingly, after a time they had burned down to nubs.
I wrote to Lori and told her what the candles had meant to me, told her of the light they had provided in a time of shadows. I said that certainly I could go buy more candles but that I was trying to learn how to ask for help when I needed it. Could she send me another candle?
One gray day during a difficult season, a package from Lori appeared in my mailbox. I opened it and caught my breath as I pulled out a beautiful pottery oil lamp . . . The gift of light was a gift of grace. It did not take the shadows away, but it did remind me of those who were present with me in my questions and in my sorrow. (p. 44)
A few years ago in my congregation's newsletter, there was a story about candles that I found really spoke to me. It is something that I often reflect on.
As you watch a candle burn, notice that there is no sound; it just burns away quietly, unobtrusively. We are called to shed a caring light quietly and humbly in our routine, day-to-day living.
As you watch a candle burn, think of how just one candle by itself can pierce the darkness and make a difference. Your life and actions do make a difference.
As you watch a candle burn, consider how the light comes only as the candle spends itself, gives itself away. Self-giving love is not easy, yet we trust that in the burning we will discover God in our midst.
As you watch a candle burn, know that there are other candles, and that while one candle can make a difference, many candles together can effect a tremendous change upon the darkness.
Candles Burn Silently
As you watch a candle burn, notice that there is no sound; it just burns away quietly, unobtrusively. We are called to shed a caring light quietly and humbly in our routine, day-to-day living.
Most candles don't make any noise as they burn - they don't have to brag about what they are doing or work to draw your attention to them. Those who share their lives know that it's not about personal attention, it's about living out beliefs. Those who support others are like candles - they go about doing what needs to be done without expecting rewards or accolades.
One candle makes a difference
As you watch a candle burn, think of how just one candle by itself can pierce the darkness and make a difference. Your life and actions do make a difference.
How many of you have asked yourself "Why do I bother?" because it doesn't seem like what you are doing makes a difference to anyone?
One of the exercises we often have people do when working in spiritual groups is to light a candle for someone who has made a difference in their lives. It is always insightful to be reminded that it is the little things that people carry away with them - the friend who encouraged a young mom to serve hot dogs for supper, the leader who saw creativity in another and provided encouragement, the child who provided a hug, the thank you note received . . . little things that we can all do to support one another. These are the things that make a difference.
Candles are used up
As you watch a candle burn, consider how light comes only as the candle spends itself, gives itself away. Self-giving love is not easy, yet we trust that in the burning we will discover God in our midst.
I have been working with congregations doing workshops and events for more than eight years now. I like to think the work I do makes a difference - but if you asked me to name the congregations where major transformation has happened there aren't many. What I do know is that even when I feel physically exhausted by a day's events I usually walk away feeling like I have helped some one make a new connection or see things from a new perspective. That's what gives me the energy to carry on.
Finding what we are passionate about and making that the focus of our lives is when we discover the God within.
Many together create great light
As you watch a candle burn, know that while one candle can make a difference, many candles together can effect a tremendous change upon the darkness.
It is easy to see the impact of many candles at a Christmas Eve worship or at a demonstration, or even a concert, but how do we create a bright light when we are many scattered candles? That happens when you know that there are others doing their part or when someone acknowledges you and your gifts.
Connecting with the Fire Within
How can we connect to the fire within? We begin by being aware. We all have busy lives and sometimes it is very difficult to find the time to stay in touch with one another or to discover what is going on in others' lives. Being aware requires that we make the opportunity to connect with others a priority. For those who are providing care, it means being aware of your own needs and reach out for someone to replace your candle when it is down to the nub. It's having the courage to ask for help.
Secondly, we need to be there when someone needs a new candle. This takes us back to Jesus' commandment to love our neighbour as ourself - when someone reaches out for support our task is to respond. For me, this is when I am called to live out my belief that what really matters are relationships. They have to come first, and if a friend or family member needs my help, I drop what I'm doing, or reschedule my time to provide the assistance they need.
Those who devote their lives to helping and supporting others need to be fed - socially, spiritually, and physically. Some of us need quiet, some the noise of children, some exercise and some relaxation - and it will be different from time to time for each of us. We need to be honest with ourselves and listen to the messages our bodies send.
What most of us need to know is that we are not alone. We need to know that we have companions who love us - and that our one candle can become part of the light of the world and make a difference.
We Are Not Alone
Candles remind us that we are not alone. We can light them to remember others, or to remind ourselves that others remember us. Candles tell us that each and everyone makes a difference and when we come together to share our light, we can make a tremendous change upon the darkness.
I invite you to take a few minutes to light a candle, and say a thank you for someone who needs your thoughts. Who knows, this very minute they may be lighting a candle and thinking of you.
Lighting the Fire Within is about finding the God or Spirit that is in each of us and taking care to ensure that that fire or light is supported and fuelled to be as bright as it can be. By combining the power of our candles, we can change the world.
Joyce Madsen is a member of the staff team at the Congregational Life Centre. You can reach her at her e-mail address: joyce@CongregationalLife.com.
Newsletter Vol. 8 No. 3 April 2002