Small Groups - Circles of Friends

by Centre Staff

There is a growing trend in the church to emphasize the importance of congregations providing the opportunity for people to be part of a circle or small group. Here's why.

Why Small Groups

When we talk about a small group or a circle we are talking about a gathering of six to ten people. There is a reason for that number. It is the size where we not only know each of the other people in our circle, but we also know something about their families, their friends, and how they are doing right now. It is a group where you can feel confident about sharing your deepest thoughts, and know that what you share will be kept in the strictest confidence. It is a group of people who are truly friends.

When a group grows to over twelve people, that intimacy, trust, and knowing one another begins to be lost. Not that that is a problem. There is a place for larger groups, but there are things that happen in a circle that larger groups cannot provide.

There are three reasons why small groups are important.

A circle is a place to belong. New people entering a congregation want, above everything else, to have a place where they belong. They want to get to know people, and have people know them ? recognize them when they are there, and miss them when they are not.

A circle is a place to be - to be who you truly are. It is a place where you can take off your mask and be known, and accepted for who you are. The world where we work accepts us because of what we can do or what we know. We all need a place where we are accepted just as we are, no questions asked, no changes required.

A circle is a place to become - to be with a group of people who want you to become everything God intends for you, to develop all the gifts God has given you and use them in a way that is truly fulfilling for you. That is where a circle becomes a centre for transformation within a congregation.

This is not new. The disciples were attracted to Jesus because his words described a way of life which was truly attractive. When Jesus called them, there were no entrance requirements, no examinations, no degree qualifications. He called them just as they were to come to a place where they could be who they truly were. But then the magic. No pressure, no advice. Just the quiet call for each of those followers to become everything God intended them to be. And a few fisher folk, tax collectors, and caring women changed the world forever.

A circle is a place to belong. A circle is a place to be. A circle is a place to become.

The Times They are A-Changing

There has been a dramatic change to our lifestyle over the last 40 years.

Clair grew up in a musical family. His father played the organ and piano and half a dozen other instruments. His mother was a trained singer. They had groups of people over most Saturday nights, everyone bringing an instrument, playing quartets and duets, and just having a great time. At ten o'clock mother served bacon and cheese broiled buns, and there was a time for talk, which more often than not turned to religion.

The neighbours were likewise involved in groups ? bridge clubs, work bees, canning parties, lodge meetings, knitting circles, the church building committee, bowling, curling, baseball teams and the Sunday extended family dinner.

Fifty years ago, most people worked alone or in small groups ? tending the farm, keeping house, or minding a small family business. They wanted to have friends over on the weekend, and with little money for travel or entertainment, they made their own.

Today most people work in offices or industry alongside hundreds of people. Sharing is, of necessity, guarded, because today's coffee companion may well control tomorrow's promotion. Jobs come and go as industries down-size and struggle to make their bottom line. There is a real need for small intimate groups where people can really get to know one another and feel free to share their joys and sorrows. That's where the church comes in.

The life of the church, as we have known it for the last two hundred years, is rooted in the industrial world. Every United Church congregation sang Holy-Holy-Holy at the beginning of every service. You could walk into any Anglican church across Canada, and know exactly what to expect. We designed clergy education and church life on an industrial model, putting everyone en-masse through the same process in the desire to produce a uniform standard for Christian life.

Life around us has changed from an industrial to an information culture. We expect our own individuality to be honoured, our particular needs to be met. That is where small spiritual circles step in. They are able to respond to our need to find a way of life that suits our unique personality. They are places where we can prepare ourselves for a ministry that makes full use of our own unique set of God-given gifts.

People are staying away from "industrial model" churches in droves. Once you have created a small group ministry, you have something to offer people in the community who are not now part of your congregation ? something you can invite them to with pride.

What Makes a Circle Special

Most congregations have a significant number of small groups already. Some are called committees. Some are larger groups who have become smaller. There are bible studies and church school teacher gatherings.

Any group in a congregation can become a spiritual circle - the choir, committee meetings, Board or Vestry, the model club, the mom's morning out. What makes it a small group ministry is a balance between individual care, group task and spiritual development.

We call it making sure people have a connection to their RooTS (see illustration). The R is for Relationships, T is for Task and S for Spirituality. Many church groups do well with two out of the three. Some score high in only one area. The unique character of spiritual circles is that they are intentional about keeping all three alive and in balance.

Focus Areas for Circles

Your imagination is the only limit when it comes to choosing a focus for a spiritual circle. What about "Cooking with Soul. Jesus was a Handyman. Healing Work. Parenting with faith. Gardening for Life. Spiritual Journal Writing. Walking to find God."

Some are age or stage based: a circle for couples, for men, for singles, for newcomers, or for women.

Many groups are based on particular needs: grief support, single again, recovery.

Task based groups are common, providing support for the food bank, serving as greeters, the choir, the worship committee.

Others gather around an interest: walking, nature hiking, bird watching, biking, jogging.

What makes any of these a spiritual circle is the decision to keep the three components in balance: renewing relationships, carrying out of a task, and a supportive spirituality.

Our Prayer

Several years ago, a group who gathered with us at the Athabasca Woods Lodge wrote a prayer. It is all about what it means to be part of a circle.

God centre me.
Let your light shine through me.
Set my heart, my mind, my soul aflame.
Guide me to a circle
Where there are kindred spirits,
Loving hands to embrace me,
Friendly arms to hold me close,
And set me free.
In the circle with you at the centre
May I find the strength
To give, to receive, to love,
Knowing that in you there is
No beginning and no ending to life,
But only a love that grows.
Congregational Life Centre
Spiritual Circles seminar

Congregational News February 2006 Vol. 12 No. 2

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